Sunday, May 11, 2014

Silly Little Boys and Their Ferrari's



Today is Mother's Day, a very emotional day for me.

As has been the case for almost every day this year, I've been in the hospital helping India.

Today India spent time with her mother. They made the rounds around the hospital and when India was returned to me, she was tired, weepy and sore. I stretched and comforted her until she fell asleep. Needless to say, I was tired and emotional too. It's hard for us to be in the damn hospital every day for hours on end. We both want to be out of there, live life, have fun and feel human.

So after India finally went to sleep, I decided to make the 5 minute drive home so I could cook a meal and maybe sleep a bit.

I pulled out onto the main boulevard - Lomas Boulevard and found myself not speeding up fast enough for a red Ferrari that quickly raced up behind me as if they were going to run me over; I found this funny. You see, I'm driving a 2006 Chevrolet Suburban 4 Wheel Drive, complete off road package and aftermarket Magna Supercharger; it's a "big" and powerful vehicle.

This Ferrari driver and his friend came within a couple inches of my rear bumper, then quickly veered to the next lane, cutting off a car, a person who I'd shared the elevator ride from the "Oncology Unit" with and who looked as exhausted as me; we had both pulled out of the hospital at the same time.

The "Ferrari" raced up to the passenger side of my vehicle; neither driver or passenger having the balls to look at me. They did however make sure that everybody in eyesight could see their Breitling watches, "UFC" shirts to confirm that they were "tough", and ridiculous sunglasses to ensure everybody knew that they were related in some way to the Kardashians.

So there I am at a stop light in my beloved Chevy Suburban with huge dents and 200,000 miles on the engine. I'm next to 2 absolute and complete shitbags who have cut me and another exhausted parent off with complete disregard. And I decided to do something quite satisfying that made me giggle like a little girl until I had tears in my eyes.

I turned my wheel to the right and started inching my dented, dirty and worn out vehicle towards the boxed in Ferrari. The minute I did this, I could see the drivers in the other cars smile with complete satisfaction and in one case, they put their cars transmission in "park"; the Ferrari fools were boxed in.

At first the Ferrari fools gave me a quick beep with the silly high pitched horn of their Italian car; silly boys thought I wasn't paying attention. But little did they know that there was a method to my meyhem. I decided to jerk my vehicle closer and closer to them with every "beep" of their horn.

These two Breitling watch wearing, UFC wannabees, who wanted nothing more than to be associated with the Kardashians - SHIT THEIR PANTS, with every advance I made. It was a glorious "payback" moment to two entitled and arrogant boys.

Needless to say, I didn't so much as encroach into their lane and the moment they could, they fled without any damage other than to their fragile egos.  But as the Ferrari fools sped off, the other parent from the hospital drove by me laughing and waved at me with a huge smile.

We both were given a moment we needed.